Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Twins

Not the team. And not actually even sisters for that matter. When I came in last night Ned sent them over to me after I retired to 'my' booth in ignominy, having realized how unlikely it was that Mrs. Atticus would be there waiting.

The were relatively young, I'd say late twenties. Blond, the same shade of Miss Clarol I'd guess. I was guessing Heather and Ashley. That wasn't their names but a reasonable guess. They were cute but in a unattainably flirtatious way. Well surely not completely unattainable, but I didn't see it going anywhere with me.

Ned, The bartender, I am sure had visions of a table-top three-way.

"Ned said we should meet you."

"Have a seat.." I offered, indicating the opposite side. Heather As I thought of her did so, but Ashley, the more flirtatious of the two hip-bumped me over and sat to my left.

"So why does Ned say we should meet you?"  Asked Heather apparently intrigued, but it sounded like an interview question.

I was kind of wondering that myself, last night's 'success' notwithstanding. I glanced his way and was pleased he wasn't leering expectantly my direction. Ned might well be useful.

A better question was why they would have been open to the nudge my way. I was not getting a 'professional' vibe from them but I also didn't get a wild party girl feel from them either. That's as far as I can tell the only two types that seem to require and steering. The rest seem content to sit and look pretty and let mature take its course. Most women get at least approached cautiously by just entering a bar. I steer clear of the former because I lack the imagination to think the professional wants to be with me for anything but the money, and the party girl I avoid both for appearances' sake as well as the fact that they seem to think that a man in my profession has a trunk full of controlled substances.

"What exactly did my new friend Ned tell you girls?"

"Just that you were visiting from out of town and could use some company."

"Why? Are you girls the local welcoming committee?" That got me a couple of giggles and my arm slugged by Ashley.


"No, silly" she said, "We were complaining that we keep getting hit on by young jerks that think we are easy and came in here hoping to meet some guys that are a little more mature."

"Let me see, so Ned thought you were hard-to-get and sent you my way, or you said mature and he thought of me because of my advanced age and advancing hairline? Remind me to thank him. perhaps I have been tipping too well."


"I didn't say we play hard to get!" pouted Ashley.

"That is encouraging." I said slipping an arm around her. "So, come here often?"

"No, we thought we would try some-place less popular." Heather explained. "The trendy spots are all the same and loud."

"It is possible to have a conversation here" I agreed, thinking that we weren't really having one yet. I couldn't figure out these two. Possibly the age gap. Possibly the fact that they were out of their element and I was out of my depth. I thought at that moment of that country song about not being as good as I once was but as good once as I ever was. In it the protagonist meets twin sisters who offer to take the cowboy on a ride. That made me think twins and three-ways and well, my imagination reeled a little.

I wasn't except in my fertile imagination getting the impression that they were a package deal but one can dream. The concept of a wing-man was invented for just such a situation. You have two attractive blonds, and need to divide and conquer. I didn't see a likely fill-in for the role in the bar. Ned wasn't out of the range of possibilities but it was way to early in the evening to valet park one with him for when he gets off shift several hours from now.

I just couldn't see this going anywhere. I got a little friendly with Ashley, nuzzling her neck a bit as I whispered in her ear, "How far do we need to get Heather a little jealous?"

She thought that was hilarious and laughed out loud but played along, whispering "She probably thinks we are saying filthy things to each other."

"Surely, you aren't that kind of girl?" I asked, breaking a cardinal rule. never ask a question you don;t either already know the answer to or at least where the unknown doesn't matter.

"No, not really." she said...hmmmm. not encouraging. She was supposed to say something suggestive.

I beckoned Heather over and whispered in her ear..."Ashley is helping my reputation with Ned the bartender by pretending I am getting somewhere with her." This earned me a giggle and a snuggle out of Heather.


I pushed Ashley out of the booth briefly and went over to the bar to get us replacement drinks thinking maybe a couple or more drinks might make reality measure up to my imaginative solution to the which one to take up to my room dilemma. (Both!) Ned was interested in an update on how I was doing. Not likely was my report. But I went back in swinging.

I bought drinks they got a little loose with their tongues but not their morals. Heather was self-described as historically a "good girl' who apparently broke up with a boyfriend recently and was encouraged to seek out some "older men' by Ashley who reports favorable experiences with same.

I bit on that. "I'm older men..."

"Well not that old..." giggled Heather.

Wasn't sure how she meant that, as in I'm far to young for her dirty old uncle fantasies, or that she wasn't interested in someone 'that old'. I was sure my ego wasn't pliable enough to find out.

So the night more or less went like that. I learned a bit about them, them me, didn't go anywhere and likely wouldn't have. They had the idea of meeting some 'older man' maybe a business traveler. Me on both counts. But the reality of that just wasn't something that matched their mental image. They had the idea of a pair suave wealthy travelers with full heads of hair styled in a $400 hair-cuts whisking them off to Paris or something. My expense account is pretty liberal given the more restrictive modern tax code, but it doesn't include flying companions to Paris.

Several drinks in, we did play the "Have you ever, would you ever?" speculation about their sexual experiences, mores and aspirations. I found as I suspected they were pretty tame and not at all inclined to share the wealth of my benevelant tumescence in my hotel room. I retired to my room alone.

I wouldn't even mention this little experience except for where it crosses with Ned the bartender except to show you just have to keep trying till something turns up. Its all fun, really just seeing who is out there and what it is they are looking for. It only 'works' when reality somewhat matches up to at least a version of everyone's fantasy.

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